Responding to the hard NO
- Nathan
- Feb 10
- 1 min read

How to turn a firm NO into a more productive, empathetic conversation.
Have you come across this situation at work? You ask what seems like a reasonable request and the answer is, “That’s not possible," or "I can’t agree to that.”
Statements like this are examples of a person’s position. “No” is clear and definitive.
What is missing is the why – the interest that is driving the refusal. If your objective is to come to an agreement with the person, you need to find out why are they saying no to you.
What interest or interests underpin their position? You certainly don’t want to argue with the person. Instead, be curious and ask questions to understand where they are coming from.
Consider trying one of the following:
“Please help me understand. Why isn’t it possible?”
“Why do you not agree?”
“What would it take to make it possible?”
“What would it take for you to say yes?”
The bottom line is, when someone refuses your request, there is usually a reason, so don’t run away from the no. Be curious and get cozy with the no to better understand what’s really driving the refusal. You could very well learn something valuable that may help you in the conversation. Even better, you might find that the not possible becomes possible.
If your training, coaching or strategy needs are not being met, feel free to connect with us. We can help. Reach out to nathan@spectrumsolutions.com.
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